Chapter 25: A Whole Onion & One Raw Potato

Get out your genre-fiction bingo card, and cross another square off your list because this week, Riverdale really starts showing interest in becoming a mobster movie. And, like any good mobster movie (read: Godfather knock-off), everything needs to be injected with a healthy dose of Catholicism.

There's even more in-fighting amongst the Serpents, who are now threatened with eviction, and even worse: FP learns his son can, will, and has skinned someone. Archie has trouble remembering dinner orders, Josie might be a robot too, Betty thinks being a camgirl in the same place her nosy mother lives is a good idea, and Jughead goes where he belongs: the garbage dump.

Hiram has business associates with bad intentions but fantastic names, and when he's not playing poker with them, the Lodges are preparing for Veronica's Confirmation. Does that usually happen before you're a sophomore? Yes, but you see, they wanted a special Riverdale bishop to do it...so they...had to...wait? Whatever.

Miranda's having trouble talking so she invents a tongue twister, and later on wants to make it very clear just how much she loves Simon and Garfunkel. Evelyn gleefully welcomes a character back, and reveals that she was literally accused of being a witch in school. Neither can decide what's more surreal: The show being renewed for a SIXTH SEASON, or Archie actually figuring something out by himself.

 

Screencaps & other fun stuff can be found on our Twitter:
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Content Warnings:

• Catholicism
• Emotional abuse/manipulation
• Flaying
• Gambling
• Gun violence
• Incest
• Murder
• Stigmatization of sex work

 

Music: 'Imps' by Mark Revell