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Evelyn has seen every episode of Riverdale. Miranda hasn't seen a single one. Each week, they traverse the winding, trash-lined road that is the absolutely bonkers plot of CW's hit series: Riverdale. Miranda gets 3 screencaps handpicked by Evelyn, and the episode title to try and predict what's going to happen this week. Evelyn then guides her through what actually happens. And it's always, always worse than either of them could have imagined.
Episodes
Tuesday Nov 10, 2020
Tuesday Nov 10, 2020
The season one finale! The episode that should be an epic conclusion manages to be neither. Only...four more finales to go...at least...Oh God.
Penelope Blossom is the devil, Hiram puts his dick on the table, and Jughead boldly starts everything off with references to far better mystery franchises than the one he's in. Archie and Veronica will not stop hounding Betty like they're TRYING to create a love triangle where there really isn't one...oh, and Thornhill gets deliberately burned to the ground. There's a shocking ending...but we're more focused on how one might perform 'The Good Sex' with a broken hand. Or play the guitar for that matter.
On the bright side, Evelyn is enjoying her papaya and makes an EXCELLENT point about dear Cheryl. Miranda puts together a title-based conspiracy...but has no idea what it means. She also definitely doesn't know what a gun is. We sort of merge into one person at some point, but that's pretty par for the course, and then we round off the episode with our thoughts on the season overall. We'll level with you here: They're pretty negative.
(Note: Secondary drowning is indeed when there's still water left in the lungs, which irritates them and oxygen can't pass through as well. It's rare, and is treatable if you go to a hospital ASAP after developing a fever, shortness of breath, chest pain, or extreme fatigue within 24 hours. Pretty grim, but stay safe everyone.)
Content Warnings:
- Abortion
- Arson
- Derogatory Language
- Drowning
- Racism
- Suicide/attempted suicide
Music: 'Imps' by Mark Revell
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